No, this isn’t another post about my dealings with conversion therapy. ”Losing my religion” is an old Southern phrase meaning to go batshit crazy. In this case, shedding more prior notions I’ve had.
In the last 2-3 weeks since moving out, I have felt extensive emotional catharsis:
- I can have my own thoughts without others trying to shove their conservative or reactionary ones down my throat, thought I am afraid liberals and progressives may say my ”middle-ground” approach isn’t enough.
- I no longer tolerate others challenging my manhood—the reason why I am writing this update.
- I can date any girl I want without hearing racist shit.
- I can enjoy the social scene and not have to tolerate people talking down at me—I can leave if I am not treated as an equal, without having to tolerate backlash.
- I can live my life as a man without the pressure of being “out”. (I still advocate for stealth when it’s necessary, usually for one’s safety. I just choose not to let others tell me I ”have to” anymore. If, tho, I sense danger in being out, I’ll keep quiet unless I need to out myself, or it’s okay to disclose things.)
I was at a social event this past weekend, and a member of our party disagreed with me over genital preference—that gay men are okay to date other men with only penises, that lesbians are allowed to have partners with vaginas. They thought I was ”ironically transphobic”, as usually such ”preferences” are somehow considered transphobic. Some people, yes, will dump me over my lack of a penis. Yes, some people will dump me because I “reject” their labels if they try to elevate it above my entitlement to living life as a man, all that I have worked, bled, spent for. That’s fine. I don’t date lesbians, and lesbians should not being saying they’re open to trans men, because that means they don’t see us as men.
I don’t tolerate religionists and theists who insist they can use their ”right to religion” to deny me my right to live as a man—you can “agree to disagree”, but you are not longer entitled to practice your beliefs if they interfere with my ability to be a productive member of society. I understand the role religious freedom plays in our country’s history, but it’s the right to practice your religion yourself without fear of persecution, not the right to force others to follow your way of life. If you can’t accept—not just tolerate, accept—me as equally a man as any other guy, bug fucking off. I can always take my business elsewhere, I don’t need haters for friends, and if other people can take me seriously and you couldn’t, ciao, bello!
I make no apologies if the first thing you tell me is you’re a—“Protestant” or ”reformationist”—Christian (even a progressive one) and I throw up a wall first thing. Too many have tried to harm me, and too many ”progressive” ones are LGB friendly, but hesitate towards trans people. Churches can be good with charity when they truly care about helping regardless of your life or situation, but I have have been dealt too many bad hands with Protestants and Reformationists to easily open up. (I have found Catholics, Jews, and Muslims way more accepting than non-Catholic Christians.)
I am a man. My life is an intersection of gender roles, sexuality, socioeconomics—but they are no longer exclusive. I am no longer walking on a fine line on the edge of two worlds that seem incompatible. I walk down a road that I’ve built myself, that rides along with those around me.